Confidence. The magic ingredient. The thing we think we need more of.

But here’s the truth: chasing confidence is a trap.

It’s a fickle friend, a feeling that comes and goes. If you tie your success to whether or not you feel confident, you’re at its mercy—high when you win, crushed when you fail. And that’s exhausting.

What if confidence isn’t something to chase at all?

What if it’s simply the by-product of trust, service, and connection?

Confidence: A Skill, A Feeling, or a By-Product?

Confidence gets talked about in three different ways, and not all of them are useful.

1. Confidence as a Skill (Competence in Action)

Confidence can be learned—like any other skill.

You can train your voice, your posture, your presence. You can learn to handle nerves, manage intense sensations, and hold your space. Do that, and you’ll come across as confident.

But here’s the thing: who cares? You’ll do fine. Let’s move on.

Because confidence as a skill is useful but limited—it gets you through the door, but it doesn’t sustain you.

2. Confidence as a Feeling (The ‘I Can’t Get This Wrong’ Energy)

We’ve all had moments where we feel unstoppable—where we just know we’ve got this.

That feeling is wonderful. But it’s also unpredictable. You can’t always summon it when you need it.

So instead of waiting for confidence to appear, what if you stopped needing it altogether?

3. Confidence as a By-Product (The Most Sustainable Approach)

What if confidence isn’t something you work on but something that emerges when you’re in the right room, doing work that matters, serving instead of performing?

• Instead of trying to be confident, get deeply engaged in what you’re saying.

• Instead of proving yourself, help others see something new.

• Instead of making it about you, make it about what you’re creating together.

When you do that, confidence takes care of itself.

Owning the Room: Presence vs. Domination

People talk about “owning the room” as if it’s about control. It’s not.

I know because I’ve done both.

As a Madonna impersonator, I dominated the stage. That was the job—command the space, take the lead, keep everyone’s attention locked on me.

But as a speaker, teacher, and coach, I don’t dominate—I connect.

Owning the room isn’t about being the loudest presence. It’s about being the one who creates the most resonance.

You don’t need to overpower people. You need to dance with their minds.

Presence isn’t about being the biggest person in the room. It’s about holding space for something meaningful to happen.

That’s real power.

Confidence is Overrated. Conviction is Better.

If you walk into a room thinking I hope I feel confident today, you’re already giving away your power.

Instead, ask yourself:

-Do I trust what I’m saying?

-Am I here for the right reasons?

-Am I making this about me, or about something bigger?

When you’re rooted in those things, confidence follows naturally.

Confidence wavers. Conviction holds.

Forget confidence. Live in your experience, own your space, and serve the moment. The rest will follow. Long live confidence!